I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
