You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
