Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
