The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
