Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
