literally had 100 drinks last night.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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