no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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