I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
