Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
