haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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