first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
