Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
