His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
