not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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