my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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