Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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