Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He shit in the fireplace
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
