Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
