just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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