Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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