you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
