i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
