But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
