saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
