are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
