Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
