hell yes lets make some ravioli
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize