Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
