It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
