hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
