The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
