Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
