I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
