this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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