its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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