five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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