my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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