just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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