I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
