Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Someone signed my nipple.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
