Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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