FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
