I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
