Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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