im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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