I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
