my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize