I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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