your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
