Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
