You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
