Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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