I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
