I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
