He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
