I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
