Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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