I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
