I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
my poor anus
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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