what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
