I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
