Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
