what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize