I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
