omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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