you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She's the barista slut.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
