there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
