And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
