Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
