That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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