I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
