So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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