Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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