So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
