The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
