I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
