i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
