hell yes lets make some ravioli
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
